Currently Playing - Eric Clapton, Pilgrim
The holidays are over. It’s Sunday night and tomorrow most people will return to work. I don’t have to however. I fall into the Banks and Government category, so I have another day off. I’m happy. The mini vacation that I have taken has slipped by quickly.
On December 23, my last day of work before Christmas, I ended up staying home because of bad weather. The night before we received a fair amount of snowfall followed by freezing rain and the roads in the city were a mess. I didn’t fathom driving along the 401 to attempt to make it into work and could not believe that our office had not closed considering that the storm warning was still in effect with more freezing rain predicted. We were allowed to take a vacation day if we chose because of the weather. So I decided to do that and then spent the day fretting about whether or not I should try to drive in. What a waste of a vacation day! Here’s a picture of the parking lot of my apartment building. That is ice, not pavement.
Friday, December 24, my actual day of planned vacation, I drove my daughter’s boyfriend to catch a bus near my work early in the morning and decided I might as well go into work and tidy up a couple of things before my week off. I figured I would be at work for approximately two hours, it soon turned into 6. I didn’t mind. The atmosphere was festive with everyone in a cheerful mood, wondering what Santa would bring that night. Or they were in a festive mood thinking about the huge amounts of alcohol that could be consumed in the next few days. Not quite sure which, but perhaps the latter. In any event, it was fun at work that morning and when I finally left in the afternoon, I felt satisfied that I had at least accomplished something.
After I got home it was a bit of a rest before driving to pick up my daughter after she finished work. The mall parking lot was chaos with last minute shoppers running to get into the mall, already too late and what the hell are they doing still shopping at 6:00 pm on Christmas Eve? I thought I was the world’s worst procrastinator. Seems like I’m not. This year I was finished my Christmas shopping prior to December 24th and I helped a friend of mine, by going out to purchase the gifts that his child asked Santa for. It was fun.
Christmas Eve was very quiet. My mom, Melissa and I spent the evening nibbling on appetizers, watching TV, wrapping last minute gifts and talking. It was very pleasant. The next day we were expecting a visit from my cousin Bryan from Calgary. He was going to be driving his mother to the airport in the morning, so we invited him to come over for breakfast. The original plan was that Bryan was going to bring my Grandparent’s in to our place so that we could all spend Christmas together but my Grandmother’s arthritis flared up terribly the week leading up to Christmas and she was bedridden for most of it. She did not think she could stand the hour and a half drive in the car and although we were upset that they could not be here, we understood. Bryan was generous enough to offer to take dinner to Grandma and Grandpa’s and spend it with them so that they would not be alone.
I felt bad. Bryan was staying near my Grandparent’s house for the week to look after his mom’s dog’s while she was in Florida visiting with a terminally ill friend, who only has weeks left to live and we really wanted him to at least be able to come to our house for Christmas dinner. We haven’t seen much of him since he moved to Calgary two years ago. I offered for us to take dinner out there, but my Grandparent’s said no and Bryan agreed. Their apartment is small and he reassured us that he really didn’t mind.
Bryan’s father, my mom’s brother and his wife had left the week before Christmas to drive to Florida in their fifth wheel and new trailer. They plan to be away for 3 or 4 months while they travel through the Southern States to California. They live near my Grandparent’s and my Grandpa especially misses my uncle when he is away because he likes to go there and putter around the garage with him.
They ended up having a good time it seems, and Bryan cooked a delicious dinner for them.
My sister had originally invited us to go to her place for Christmas dinner and we have done so for the past few years. I had declined her invitation and told her of our plans for Bryan and my Grandparent’s to come here instead. She was disappointed but understood.
Dec 25th, 2004
Christmas arrived in spite of all the plan changes and upsets. We were still going to have some company, it was just for breakfast and not dinner. We thought that perhaps we would wait until after our company left to open our gifts but when we got up in the morning we couldn’t resist taking the time to rip them open. We really had to rush though, if we wanted to have breakfast ready for when Bryan arrived. We weren’t really sure what time he would get here, but thought it was going to be around 10:00am. We were right because around 9:30 the telephone rang and he was in our lobby.
Melissa’s father came over for a couple of hours with Melissa’s half brother’s. That was a lot of fun. They are ages 7 and 5 and were very excited about all the gifts Melissa had bought them. She put tags on some of them from Santa and told them that he had left them here for them. They never asked why. I guess from they figure that’s cool, Santa gives us gifts at two houses, not just one.
Our company had all departed by 2:00pm and the apartment was very quiet. The three of us sitting around looking at the gifts sitting naked under the sparkling tree and I couldn’t help but feel this huge let down. I don’t know if everyone feels that way after all the excitement of preparing for the day or not, but I usually do. Making a big dinner for the three of us seemed silly but I had purchased a 15 pound turkey, expecting guests and could do nothing but cook it up.
The turkey looked better than it tasted. I don’t know why, but I did not enjoy it at all. I had purchased a fresh turkey from this great butcher shop and my mouth had been watering all week for it. It may have been the fact that there were straggling feathers that I had to pull out before I shoved it into the oven or maybe the blood that needed to be washed off the breast, I’m not sure, but I could hardly eat it. I prefer to see my food in cello wrap with little indication that it was actually an animal or alive at one time. I know that is silly and I would have to get over it if I was ever in a situation that required me to survive by hunting, but I don’t have to hunt for my food so I prefer not to think of it as an animal.
We were all a little down in the mouth, thinking of Bryan and my Grandparent’s in Bowmanville, my sister and her family in Etobicoke and us sitting there in Mississauga. That’s not what it’s all about. It is to be together. At least that is what we prefer. I always tease my mother that she is always hoping for the perfect family Christmas and never gets it. She has a vision in her mind of her family sitting around a table, overflowing with good food, laughing and talking amicably with one another while she flits from the kitchen to dining room with food and drinks. That has never happened, will most likely never happen but every year she anticipates it and drives me completely bonkers trying to obtain it. She forgets who her relatives are though. She does not have the Cleaver’s as relatives. Our family resembles the Simpson’s more, slightly dysfunctional but definitely humorous. I try not to burst her bubble too much, but I gently try to remind her of her family’s personalities and the fact that they do not view Christmas as a big deal, but rather just another day. If I see that it has not quite sunk in, I take her down a path of Christmas’s past and then she sees my point.
I usually get called Scrooge and other derogatory Christmas hating names, but it is not that I hate Christmas. I love Christmas just as much as the next person. What I hate is all the disappointment that is brought to people on this day. There is so much emphasis on people getting together to be jolly and happy, exchanging expensive gifts, that it does put a lot of pressure on people that are either on their own in this world or do not have the money to buy gifts like most people do. So they feel inadequate when they compare themselves to the fake models in the ads and on TV that inundate us at every turn, for two to three months before the actual day.
I see the disappointment in my own family every year with my mother as she tries desperately to make everything perfect for her parent’s and never receives the acknowledgement that she is looking for. That’s been difficult for me to figure out; what it was about Christmas that I didn’t like, but finally I can see it and understand it. Naturally I love my Mom and I don’t like to see her sad, which means I have expectations that Melissa and I can make up for the inadequacies of affection from her parent’s. It doesn’t work that way though. If you have a hole in your heart, it is not filled up by someone else. You may love someone else, but you will still have that hole.
We were together though, the three of us and although we would have had more fun with a full house, it was lovely in it’s own way. It was a moment that the three of us had together, three women, three generations in one house at Christmas.
Dec 26th, 2004
We were going to trek out to see my Grandparent’s today, but inclement weather kept us closer to home. We went to my sister’s instead. It was a fun afternoon. My sister talked about how delicious her turkey had been but that they missed having us at the table. Her boys even remarked that it didn’t feel like Christmas without us there. So that does it, next year we go to Debbie’s for dinner. I promise not to grumble about having to get out of my pj’s and drive somewhere, because I know that the inconvenience will certainly be worth it to enjoy Christmas dinner with family.
Dec 27th, 2004
I took Melissa to Collingwood to visit her Grandparent’s (her father’s parent’s) today. They are not too well and it’s always an emotional visit. I find it very sad to see how frail they have become since our last visit. In spite of that, it was very nice to see and talk to them again. We had some laughs as we reminisced of old times and got caught up with news of family members that we have lost contact with. News of the Tsunami finally sunk in for me. I could not comprehend and I’m sure like most was shocked by the images on the television of people being washed away by the unrelenting waters. It’s certainly made everything seem so silly and insignificant.
Dec 28th, 2004
Melissa had to work today, but Mom and I went out to Bowmanville for our visit with Grandma and Grandpa. Bryan was still in town, so I texted him when we arrived and he came over to visit with us. It’s so nice to get the opportunity to talk to him and get caught up with his exciting life. He has a very good job and is always travelling, plus he has just told us of his plans to go back to school. He wants to be a lawyer, always has and has decided that he should not wait any longer. He’s 35 now and the terminally ill family friend that his mother is visiting is only 38 and I guess that was a wake up call to Bryan to live his life.
December 29th, 2004.
Mom and I spent the day at the Eye Doctor’s, for the most part sitting in the shabby waiting area eagerly waiting for him to call her name. It was a very busy office for the week between Christmas and New Year’s. We met two nice people while we waited and I read several chapters of my new book. So it was a kind of pleasant day.
I just found it interesting that a practise with four Doctor’s, all specialists, could be working in such a dismal space. The chairs were old and uncomfortable. The receptionist’s desk was a cheap, you build it, akin to something from Ikea but of cheaper quality, perhaps an old Woolworth’s version. Her chair looked brand new and modern, but flimsy and did not appear to offer much support. It didn’t seem to matter, she hardly had a moment to sit, she was busy rushing from one desk to another. Nothing was computerised which I found to be the most interesting thing about the decor. She was typing letters, envelopes and handwriting appointments onto paper planners that were stuffed in ragged edged file folders. A table that offered more space to the side of her desk was an old, shabby vanity that was in desperate need of a new paint job.
Two friendly ladies spoke to us when they heard my mother and I discussing the fact that we had been waiting over an hour past her appointment and still had not been called. They had been waiting for two. That was comforting to know that we had not been forgotten. The only Doctor working was whirling around in a rush trying to multi-task as much as possible while his abrupt receptionist swiftly dealt with the non stop telephone calls.
Another gentleman struck up a conversation with my Mother and I was hopeful for a moment that perhaps she had found a new Dad for me, but then he mentioned something about a wife, so I tried to remain pleasant and hide my disappointment. He was extremely interesting and knowledgeable about our fair city. I was more than disappointed that the Doctor interrupted our conversation by calling my mother’s name when he did.
The Doctor was very pleasant and gave mom some good news about her eyes. It seems the bug like spec that is in her peripheral vision is nothing to worry about. Her retina is not detaching, but the spec is a floater and does come with age. She has the beginnings of cataracts but most likely will not need any type of surgery for them for years. The wait was worth hearing something positive. I was wrong, her body isn’t totally shutting down, only parts.
December 30th, 2004
My first day to do what I pleased during my week of vacation. I went to my friend’s for dinner tonight. Nice treat, beautiful steak, great conversation and laughter and home at a half decent time.
December 31, 2004
New Year’s Eve, and I’m rushing around the city to return Christmas gifts with Melissa. The agenda is to get in, get it done and get out as quickly as possible.
I am going to Orillia tonight and would like to be on the road early. I always have good intentions. My friend laughed when I told him of my plans. He knows me too well and realised that I would not arrive at the time I was proclaiming but would most likely arrive an hour or two later, and I did. I had a great time anyway. We went to a house party. It was very casual and the conversation was great. It was fun to make some new friends.
Jan 1, 2005
Spent the day recuperating from last night’s frivolities. It’s not a good idea to mix wine with shooter’s and champagne. Still it was fun. Gravol anyone? Drove home late after hearing that we were in for freezing rain over night. The drive was great. Roads were dry, the sky was covered with huge fluffy clouds and the moon looked like a golden bowl as half of it was covered with fluffiness. I love driving at night. I usually drive faster but tonight I drove slow and enjoyed the quiet aloneness.
That’s what I’ve been up to for the past several days. Not too exciting but busy enough. I’m looking forward to returning to my routine life though. I’ve been lazing around far too much the past couple of days and could go into deep hibernation if something doesn’t force me to venture outside.
No comments:
Post a Comment