Monday, February 28, 2005

Sunset at Collingwood Harbour, Ontario

Ten Things I've Done That You Probably Haven't

I stole this meme from Christine at Mommy Matters. I'm sure she won't mind.

1. Share responsibility with my sister for burning out our apartment and had just turned 5.
2. Got nabbed for stealing (even though I was innocent) with a friend from a store and had a ride in the back of the cop car through the downtown core of our small town
3. Almost drowned 4 times but still love the water
4. Rolled and totalled a car before I was licensed to drive and my friend and I were relatively unhurt - no other parties involved
5. Moved 22 times in my life and I am not in the military
6. Broke my collar bone in Judo
7. Broke my middle finger by falling off a runaway pony
8. Did a wheelie on a tractor by popping the clutch too fast and dumped my friend off the back
9. Lived with my Father, Grandmother and Mother all in one year, all in separate residences
10. Witnessed my sister kill her pet Salamander when she dropped his box and rode over him with her bike

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Elder Humour

My Mom's ex called the other day. She walked into my room to share bits of the conversation with me.

"Ex had a bad car accident!"

"He did? Oh my god, is he ok?"

"Yes, he's very lucky, the car had over $8,000.00 in damage but he wasn't hurt at all. The worst thing is that he is nervous to drive now."

I didn't respond immediately to my mother's last comment, my thoughts had turned to the fragility of life when her voice interrupted; "Yes, we came really close to getting some money."

*She's still the beneficiary and I have to add that it was just a joke. Funny as hell though when it sunk into me what she had just said.*

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

So Much For That...

Well the nightmare is over, for now. I completely bombed that exam this morning and I'm not just saying that. It was a classic case of not studying the right material.

I did study though, so I don't feel badly about not being prepared. There is no way to ever totally know every piece of legislation inside and out and so you have to pick and choose what you study. You pray that you are right. Sometimes you are, and sometimes you aren't. This time I wasn't.

Now back to regular programming. Hey I forgot, I don't have a regular program. So back to irregular programming. ;o)

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Suzy's Busy for a Few Days....

Remember when I told you that I was applying for a position within my department and I had to write a pre-screening test? Well I passed and now I am going onto the next part of the process which is to write an exam on Wednesday morning. This means that I will have to spend the next couple of days preparing for that exam.

I will return soon.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Girl's Night Out Part Two

**continuation from yesterday's post

I kept thinking of how much fun I had been having at the place we were at right now. The Blues Band was great and I had enjoyed dancing by myself on the empty dance floor without being jostled by crowds of people. What were we going to encounter at the next spot with the present company? I was a little nervous about that, but my young friends had not been privy to the information, so they had no idea what was going on with me.

Within moments another cab pulled up and we were on our way to join my friends.

"Cabbie, I need to make a quick stop first at my place to get some more cash."

He gave the cabbie directions and the cab driver seemed to hesitate, waiting for me to approve before he agreed. NDM then told me that he had a penthouse in the fashionable condo. I think this was supposed to impress me, much like the information that he had given me earlier.

Do I look like the type of woman that is impressed by this stuff? I must be giving the impression that I am. He just keeps giving me more and more information.

I kept looking in his eyes for a sign that he was lying or a glimmer of amusement at the joke he was pulling, but all I could see was sincerity and definite interest in me.

I waited in the cab while he went up to the penthouse and started a conversation with the driver. It would certainly take awhile to get all the way upstairs to the Penthouse in this 40+ storey building. He surprised me by appearing back at the taxi in record time. I almost asked him how fast his elevators travel, but then thought better about questioning him and decided to just tuck this piece of information in the back of my mind for reflection later.

LG had told us that they would be outside waiting because he had a friend who would let us in without paying the cover charge. They were not waiting, when we arrived and for a moment, I thought I was going to have to pay the cover myself because NDM was arguing about having a friend inside that said we didn’t have to pay. In the end, he forked over the $10.00 to cover us both and we walked into the loud, flashy bar.

All the people that had not been at the other bar, were stuffed like sardines inside this one. Lights were flashing and the music was pounding that dance tune beat that I don’t really care for. I guess it’s an age thing, but I can never tell when one song ends and the next one starts.

We looked around the crowd, but I couldn’t see my friends anywhere. I started to walk to the left, and suddenly felt someone tugging on my arm. I turned and there stood LG, yelling to us that we were going the wrong way. He led us to my friends who had found a small piece of open floor space, overlooking the small dance floor. A small bar was pushed in the corner to my left and a constant parade of young, half dressed women walked back and forth gathering drinks.

I thought that this would be interesting. To see how NDM acted. I must add that as much as he was scaring me with the stuff he was telling me, I was also intrigued by this character and could not deny there was some chemistry between us.

He immediately bought us a drink and then pulled me down to the dance floor for a couple of songs that sounded the same. He was being very attentive to me, I couldn’t deny that. He even stole a kiss and there were sparks. Although my common sense was telling me that sparks can be bad.

Before long, the bar announced that it was last call and we were back outside walking towards a van taxi. NDM had already asked me to go home with him and I politely declined. He asked me once more on the way to the taxi and I explained to him that I wasn’t interested in a one night stand. He assured me that he wasn’t either.

The group dynamics were funny when we reached the van because LG had suddenly become very protective of not only my young friends, but of me as well, and he claimed the seat beside me, forcing NDM to sit in the front, beside the driver.

LG was the first to be dropped off as he lived the closest. Next I told the driver to take NDM home. As soon as the van pulled away from LG’s house, NDM threw himself into the back beside me. On the way to his house, he asked me a couple of more times if I had changed my mind. Then asked me for my phone number. He had given me his while we were still at the bar and I thought he was content to let me phone him.

Believe it or not I was still trying to decide if I wanted to see him again. We had no trouble conversing and surprisingly, we had a lot in common. In fact, we even worked for the same employer at one point in our lives. So I gave him my cell number and as he stepped out of the cab he pushed more than enough money in my hand to cover the fare up to that point and for the balance of our journey.

Once we were alone, my young friends informed me that LG had told them that he was married. He has seen his wife and reported that she is a real sweetheart. She drives him to the bar and picks him up when he is ready to go home.

I didn’t believe it. How could that be true? We had discussed our respective marital situations on our way to the second bar and he told me that he had never been married and had never had any children.

He said his mother had left him some real estate when she passed away and with the sale of those two houses, he purchased his penthouse and another condo that he has rented out.

I decided to believe NDM. He had seemed very forthright since he first started to talk to me and what purpose did it serve to lie? LG seemed very quick to point out everyone else’s shortcomings to my two young friends (he made exaggerated "loser" gestures with his hand to his forehead several times during the evening) because he was interested in them and I guess it made him feel important. That made me wary about how accurate his information was.

I went with the girls back to their place and we enjoyed pizza, wings and discussion on the evening before I finally called a taxi to take me home. I finally flopped into bed at 4:00am.

My plan was to sleep most of the day. I was so looking forward to it. My body had other plans. It was holding a demonstration to oppose the huge quantities of rum consumed the night before. I felt that my stomach was the instigator and being so, was causing so much discomfort that I forgot all about sleep and found myself up walking around at 6:30am. Not sure if I was going to be ill or not. Afraid that I would and worried that if I wasn’t, I would never get any sleep.

Gravol which normally works for me instantaneously only assisted in bringing the demonstration out in the open. After that, I was allowed a couple more hours of sleep before the ruckus in my stomach began again at 8:30am. Two more hours of sleep and then at 10:30am I gave in and got up.

I looked at my cell phone around 11:30 am and saw it flashing a signal of a message. I was very surprised to find three messages, all from NDM, who was sounding very chipper and he was asking me to call him back.

Three calls already and I hadn’t even properly pried my eyelids open. I decided to nip this in the bud. I called him right back but he didn’t answer. It went to his voice mail, but I was able to find out what his last name was. I left a message and he called back within 10 minutes. I told him almost immediately that I had to tell him something. I didn’t want to get caught up in conversation because I would only find it difficult to say later. He said ok, and politely waited for me to spit it out.

"I just wanted to tell you that I have a boyfriend. I didn’t say anything last night, because I was out with my friends and wasn’t counting on meeting anyone or anyone asking for my phone number. I hope you understand that it was not my intention to be dishonest or to lead you on."

He was very gracious, told me that he appreciated that I was up front with him and then continued to chat with me about anything and everything for the next hour. It was a pleasant conversation and again, I was wondering why my intuition was telling me to stay away from him. I could feel the reciprocal attraction.

In the back of my mind, I satisfied myself with my belief that if this is really something that should work out or is really meant to be, then it will. If it isn’t, then I will be well rid of him.

We finally said goodbye and I agreed that it would be agreeable to meet at some point for a coffee and conversation.

I was proud of myself. I thought that I handled that quite well. I didn’t go out on endless dates and then wonder how I was going to get out of it, instead, I faced the issue head on and dealt with it.

Later that night, still thinking of him and wondering if I just pushed away a good match, I decided to do a reverse number look up on his phone number.

Imagine my surprise when his telephone number came back, registered to a woman and hardly the penthouse unit. That was how he managed to get to the apartment and back to the taxi so quickly. He lives on the 6th floor not the 45th.

I was in bed by 8:30 pm and awoke fresh as a daisy, all recuperated and ready to face the day shift.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Girl's Night Out

"You do?" I questioned in disbelief. The previous statement he made kept reverberating in my mind and questions started exploding uncontrollably. Why are you telling me this? Are you for real? Did you just say what I think you said? What purpose would you have for divulging that to someone you are trying to pick up? I can’t believe I just heard what I heard. Did anyone else hear that?

Then I laughed and made some light comment of no consequence hoping to change the topic. Not more than five minutes before this nicely dressed man (NDM) had walked directly up to me in the bar and introduced himself. He was nice looking but a little loud. That’s not a turn off to me, because I am usually attracted to people that are boisterous and confident.

He had been very interested in who I was, where I lived, where I hang out and so on. He had many questions and in a way I was flattered by the attention. Until he made that statement, that is.

This person had just divulged something so criminally damaging, that I was stunned and at a loss as to what to say next.

My first impulse was to get away from him as quickly as possible, but sometimes that is not easy to do. While I was trying to think of an escape, my friends were discussing details of the next bar we were about to go explore with Little Guy (the bouncer) who had been clinging to us for the past hour or so.

They interrupted our conversation to ask me if I wanted to leave the bar we were in and venture to another spot that my young friends knew of. Before I had a chance to answer, NDM enthusiastically agreed that it was a great idea and told me how much I would like it.

While the others continued to discuss how we were getting to the next bar and when we would leave, NDM bestowed yet another unsolicited piece of information on me. Just as stunning as the first. Again, I was at a loss for words. He was rambling on about wanting to be up front and honest right from the get go because that’s how he operates, and of course I could never breathe a word of any of this to anyone, he hoped I understood that. I nodded emphatically that I would never dream of telling anyone and secretly prayed that he would stop feeling this need to confess all his sins to me. For heaven’s sake, we had just met and I had hardly spoken two words.

The next several minutes were a blur of discussions between my two young friends and LG while NDM attempted to control every second of my attention. Before I knew it, the five of us were walking outside to the cab that LG had eagerly called. LG was around the same age as my two young friends from work. They had all been to this other bar. I was the only one that hadn’t experienced it yet, so rather than hold everyone back from having a good time, I followed them reluctantly outside.

The cab driver shook his head when he realised there were five of us. I knew that was going to be a problem, because I have encountered this before.

NDM was eager to show us his manly aggressive tactics, while I was happier not seeing them. I hate confrontation and now that I had become the new owner of two unsolicited secrets, my intent was even more focused on keeping him under control.

I took hold of his arm to get his attention and suggested that we let the other’s take this cab and we could grab the next one.

He smiled magnanimously at me and ordered the cabbie to call for another immediately. If he were a peacock his feathers would have been on proud display as he strutted back inside the door to wait for the next ride.

To Be Continued...

Friday, February 11, 2005

Show and Tell Friday!

I'm going to take it easy today and share another couple of pics from last Sunday.

Another view of the Port Credit Harbour, Mississauga, Ontario taken February 6th, 2005

Swans in the frigid waters. I tried to adjust the contrast on this picture because you couldn't see the swans clearly in the fog. It looks a little odd, but I kind of like it.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005


**The following was written after reading a post at Rocz,check him out if you get a chance.

You were one of my favourite people. I remember your shoulder length, dark curly hair and the way your eyes danced when you looked at me. I sat across from you in Geography. You, Melanie and I were like the three musketeers.

We would hang out at lunch, go smoke a dube and then go to Geography. I still do not know how we managed to pass that semester. I do not remember learning a thing, oh yes, maybe I remember something about drawing a topographical map. I do remember laughing hysterically and loving the feeling of being near you.

After school, we would talk on the phone for hours and hours. I have no idea about what. I only know that I loved how you loved to spend time with me, even if it was over the telephone. You took the bus home every night and I walked home because I lived in the same town as our high school.

You spent a lot of time drawing your caricatures in my yearbook because you knew how much I appreciated your talent. You even gave me a special one that was drawn on a piece of lined paper. I still have it, tucked safely inside the yearbook.

You are an Aries. My daughter is an Aries. I wonder if you have the same traits as her, like stubbornness, ambition, and common sense. I never got the chance to share enough time with you to know that.

Your parents were quite a lot older than most parent’s, particularly compared to mine. They were very strict and you were not around the rest of the gang as much as I would have liked.

My most favourite memory of you is the night that you and I left the group and walked in between some houses so that we could sit on the bank of the river. The moon was high in the sky and the stars reflected on the water. We sat dreaming together. I wanted you to kiss me, I wanted to kiss you but I was too shy and couldn’t. I couldn’t be sure if you felt the same way, yet deep down inside, I knew that you did. In the end, I was content to be sitting squished close to you and staring at the stars.

You told me then, that you were moving away. You were moving out to Alberta, because of your father’s work. I’m sure I gave you my address. Perhaps I forgot. Maybe I did, but then we moved away within six months also, so if you had written later, I was already gone.

You were the crush I’ve never forgotten and since the Internet has arrived, I’ve even googled your name Tim, but where would I begin. What would you be doing now? Certainly you are not teaching Geography. Where would you be living? You could be anywhere in the world. You may not even be alive. I regret letting too many years come between us. I hope you are well and happy.

5 More Days

I have five more days before I do a big switch-a-roo for a week. The big switch will be from working the afternoon shift to reverting back to days. I'm going to help out another office for a week and this requires that I get up at probably 6:30am, just like I used to do before I went on this afternoon shift in October.

That is going to be hell. Like right now, it's 2:46am and I am wide awake, just starting to think about going to sleep.

I'm not sure I'll be able to switch that quickly. I told myself to go to bed early tonight and start to adjust by getting up early tomorrow. I've already screwed that up, now I'll have to wait until tomorrow night to go to bed early. What if I mess up again? Before I know it, it's going to be Sunday night and I'll be lying in bed wide awake at 4:00am wondering when I'll fall asleep.

I'm starting to get anxious about the whole thing. Damn, why does that stupid office need my help anyway?!?

Does anyone work swing shift on a regular basis? How do you do the change around?

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Man Hater?!?

Thank you for the interesting comments on last night's post. It is refreshing to see such honesty.

Jack thought that perhaps I was a man hater and because of that, I thought I would expand and try to explain where I am coming from. In all reality, I really do love men. There is nothing I enjoy more than the company of the opposite sex. Sorry girlfriends, you're great but you just don't have what the guys have.

I often poke fun at my own sex as well. My true feelings about yesterday's post is more disdain for the female than the male. It sickens me to see women using sex as a means for their own personal gain. Again, don't misconstrue this to mean that I don't enjoy being sexy or looking good. I do, but I have never been the type of woman to use that to get things, well not intentionally anyway.

This perspective probably ends up having a negative affect rather than a positive one. Where other women (ones that I know personally) see nothing wrong with accepting free drinks at a bar all night from a man they would not walk down the road with, let alone get into bed with; I will not accept the drink. In my mind by accepting, I am giving him the green light that perhaps later, he will get something else. If I'm not attracted to him, then I don't want to encourage further contact, so my philosophy has always been to pay my own way.

Even when I've been in a relationship, I've always been very generous with my partners because I view us as equals and have never understood why one person should feel obligated to pay for everything. Not just monetarily either. I do not lose my mind when I'm in a relationship. I still make my own decisions and know that I am responsible for myself. I may consider the other person, when I'm making those decisions, if I feel that the relationship is going to be around for awhile, but that is something that I think everyone does. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are women out there that are quite happy to suck the guy dry of everything they can when they enter into a relationship. These women make me embarrassed to be a woman.

I have always viewed my outlook as something that is positive, and have thought that if I was a guy, I would love to be involved with someone like me. Someone that can think, act and conduct herself independantly of him. A responsible, hard working person that is honest, outgoing, loves to laugh and have a good time but does not have unreasonable expectations that the other person is responsible for making her happy.

But in reality, my past relationships would speak a different tune. If you disected each relationship and analyzed the way the players treated me, it would not be positive. Rather than be respected, I would say I was taken for granted. My generosity in some instances, bordered on ridiculous, as I tried to deal with a male version of the female blood sucking variety. Of course, it was not as clear when I was in the relationship. I was blinded by love and couldn't see anything at all. It took time for me to be able to review that particular encounter and see it for what it was.

Then there was the perfect relationship. We had great times together. Never laughed as much before or since. Every time we were together, we seemed to meld as one and it was absolutely wonderful. I never thought that anything could come between us. I do believe he was my soul mate. But he allowed another women into his life and suddenly I was left out. Complete shock and total heartbreak. I know that there is still a bond between us. I've seen it in his eyes and felt it in his hugs and heard it in his voice when we've been in contact recently, but whatever we had was completely destroyed for a new piece of ass. I've asked him why, and he was never able to answer me. So perhaps, it was that male tendancy to act without thinking.

That relationship changed me forever. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust someone as much as I trusted him. I can't even think of any relationship as long term or monogamous anymore. I've lost a part of me.

Since then, I've entered into a casual relationship because I really do love men and I enjoy their company. But now, rather than expect something long term, I expect nothing. If casual guy calls, we get together and totally enjoy each other's company and then part. I never ask him when I'll see him again, I never ask what he does when I'm not with him and he never asks me.

My female friends don't understand. They think that I am weird. They wonder why I would enter into such an agreement. I guess they haven't given up and tried to accept men for what they are.

I have come to the following conclusions based on my own experiences:

1. You cannot control another person's actions, nor their feelings and it doesn't matter how well you treat them.

2. If they want to be with you, then they will.

3. If another woman, offers her body to your man, chances are he will take it, especially if he thinks he will get away with it.

4. You really can only depend on yourself and the minute you give that control to anybody else, the universe will bitch slap you silly.

5. The only thing that matters is that you remain true to yourself. That you can wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and be proud. If everyone else doesn't get it, then too bad.

Monday, February 07, 2005

Mysterious Behaviours

It's the end of my day and I finally have a moment to blog about a couple of niggling thoughts that have been bothering me. It's 11:45pm and most people are either in bed sleeping or preparing for bed. I am a little sleepy tonight, so I hope my brain will function properly to discuss these issues.

First let me point out that I am a very compassionate person and usually have no problem putting myself in someone else's position. This is not always to my benefit; I find it difficult at times to be angry, when I probably should, because I can understand the other person's motives etc.

I am unable to understand this first issue which involves two people, from either side. Let me lay it out on the table and perhaps someone else will read this and be able to point out something that I have not considered.

Oh and I should point out that what you are about to read is pure gossip and has little consequence to anyone that is in my life, and therefore is none of my business and I really don't care. Human nature perplexes me and it's just one of those odd little quirky things that has grabbed my attention. So don't tell me to mind my own business.

Let me introduce the players. First is Joe. Fifty two year old business man. He is of Greek decent. Pleasant looking but nothing exceptional. He owns a small retail store and business has been declining in the last few years to the point that at times he isn't sure if he will make payroll. Luckily he employs mostly students that are for the most part, cheap labour. His other lucky star is his very young live in girlfriend. She is twenty six. Very successful with a high profile job in a well known advertising firm. She comes from a wealthy family and they live together in a fashionable two story condo on the waterfront, minutes from downtown Toronto.

For the past year, Joe has been flirting with one of the young girls at work, who is now 19 years old. It has progressed to the point where they discuss openly in front of other staff that they have been to movies together and are planning to attend a concert and sit beside another staff member. They arrive at work together, because he has gone out of his way to pick her up. He frequently goes out to buy her treats and doesn't get anything for the other staff that happen to be working the same shift. They've been seen holding hands, walking through the mall.

She is very pretty, slim, young and still in school, attending University or College.

Here are the questions that I am unable to answer or understand:

1. Why?

2. Why?

3. Why?

4. Why would she want him?

5. Why wasn't his old, "young" girlfriend, young enough?

6. Why would he risk his meal ticket on someone that has nothing to offer?

7. How do you go from a position of authority and cross that line to dinkle with a youngster and think that it's ok?

8. Why are men pigs?

9. Is money that important, if that is the motive on her behalf; to give up your best, youthful years on someone that is old, nerdy and basically uhmmm, OLD?

My second little mystery is a bit of a rant more than anything. Three times today while driving, I was endangered by menacing drivers. Contrary to popular belief they were not WOMEN. They were OLD MEN.

There is nothing worse than an old man driver. I swear that they were going out of their way to either side swipe my car or just basically piss me off by changing lanes whenever I did so that they were constantly driving very fucking slow in front of me.

I'm sure you've all driven behind these old guys. The ones that learned how to drive on their family farm by driving the good ol' Massey Ferguson tractor around the fields. As they attempt to turn corners in their sleek, newer vehicles; they make very wide corners, appearing unaware of power steering and front wheel drive. Then they give you a dirty look and hand gesture when you honk your horn because you can see that they are going to take your mirror off or worse drive right into your door during the manoevre.

The other trait is that they have to be in front of you. It doesn't matter that you are driving faster. They will speed up to get in front and then immediately slam on the brakes and control your speed by continually slowing down until you just want to drive your car right over top of their's, regardless of consequences.

What is their motivation? Why do they take offence and try to blame you when their bad driving causes near misses? Why do they insist on going out for drives during rush hour?

Walking on Water

I took this picture this afternoon down at the waterfront in Port Credit, Mississauga. It was a very foggy, chilly afternoon. A good day to be curled up with a book.

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Sunday, February 06, 2005


I first saw this survey on Huwge’s blog and have since seen it on other’s and decided that I was finally going to answer the questions and post it.

1. Total amount of music files on your computer: 4.98 GB, 1207 files and I’m not sure if this is the total number of songs because my albums are in folders. I just recently started to copy my cd’s onto my hard drive and I’m not finished. Actually have just scratched the surface, but it’s coming.

2. The last CD you bought was: I usually buy a few at a time, the most recent acquisitions on this Friday just past are: Bobby Bland Greatest Hits Vol. One, Lynda Randle A Tribute To Mahalia Jackson, Matt Dusk, Two Shots, and
Pres and Teddy, The Lester Young - Teddy Wilson Quartet

3. What is the song you last listened to before reading this message? "Farther Up The Road", Bobby Bland

4. Write down 5 songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you.
a. "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind", Ray Charles and Bonnie Raitt from Genius Loves Company
b. "Honesty", Alannah Myles-Arrival
c."Sad Sad Day", Muddy Waters
d. "Stronger Than Me", Melissa Etheridge
e. "How Would I Know", Melissa Etheridge

5. Who are you going to pass this stick to? (3 persons) and why? I’m hoping that someone that reads my blog will pick this up and post it on their’s.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

A Little Nostalgia

I have a visual imagination. I'm sure we all do but since I cannot get into anybody's else's head I can't be sure. Whenever I close my eyes and think of past experiences it's like watching a small home movie. A series of trailer's is more like it. These small snapshots are in full colour, are three dimensional and offer sounds, plus smell. I can transport myself back to a place in time whenever I want by just closing my eyes and calling that scene forward.

The following are some memories between the ages 3 to 5:

At the age of three, September 1964, I remember the emotions that I felt as my sister got ready to go to Kindergarten for the first time. I was so upset at the thought of being separated from her. It didn't matter that she was a bully most of the time, I just couldn't comprehend how I was going to fill my days without her there. I also couldn't understand what "kindergarten" was. I thought it was a special kind of garden. It was also beyond my comprehension why I was not allowed to go with her and why my parent's allowed this. I soon adjusted to being home with my Dad for half a day alone and before I knew it, Debbie was home from school with stories of what they did in school. I couldn't wait until I could go.


I am sitting in a booster seat which is placed beside my mother (the driver) in the middle of the front seat. I have fallen asleep and wake up. My mom is not in the car and I start to cry. My sister tells me it's ok that mommy is in the store. A few mintues later my mother comes out of the store, kerchief covering her rollers and she slides into the driver's seat. She places a cigarette in her mouth and lights it. Then before pulling away, she tells me to open my hand and places some chocolate covered raisins in it. I don't know what they are and am a little wary of the small brown pebbles. After some coaxing from my mom and listening to my sister's encouragement I ventured a taste and was immediately pleased that I did. I loved those chocolate raisins.


It's Easter, mommy and daddy are still asleep and my sister and I have just gathered up a pile of chocolate treats. We have bunnies, duckies, roosters and eggs. It is a pile of chocolate. We are both overjoyed with the abundance of chocolate and can't wait until we meet up with our friends to tell them of our good fortune. Debbie decides that we should just show them off by placing them on the windowsill of our apartment. That way everyone will see what the Easter Bunny had left us. We very carefully arrange our chocolate treasures in a line along the marble sill and go back to our bedroom to play quietly until mommy and daddy wake up. I can't exactly remember how long we were playing before we decided to go check on our chocolate, but I do remember the shock when we turned one of the boxes and found that the chocolate had melted into a big blob at the bottom of the box. We both burst into tears which woke both parents and the whole Easter was ruined. Every treasure had melted. The sill was over a hot water radiator. The window was filled with sunshine that morning. The combination of heat from underneath and heat from the sun made quick work of the bunnies and duckies. The worst part was that our friends never saw them and didn't believe us that the Easter Bunny did actually come to our place.


Happy Rock and Roll music is playing loudly. The sun is shining through the apartment window and spilling all over me. My mom is ironing clothes and singing along to the song. I'm wearing my cowboy outfit and riding my favourite spring horse. As I bounce happily, I imagine that I am really riding my very own horse through the fields looking for the bad guys. I love my horse. This is my favourite past time and I spend a lot of time on it.


My mom is working and my dad and some of his friends are sitting at the kitchen table playing cards. It's nighttime and we should be in bed, but Dad said we could stay up a little longer as long as we were good. I run to get new bottles of beer at Dad's command and struggle with my sister over the empties, because I like to drain them on my way to the frige. After a little while, I ask my sister to spin me around in the orange, vinyl swivel chair. It's shaped like a circle and I love it when she spins me around and around and then I try to walk.

"Faster, faster!"

"I'm going as fast as I can."

"Wait, let me stand up, it will be more fun."

I stand up and then order my sister to spin me really, really hard. I want that orange chair to fly, because in my mind it was my flying saucer.

Debbie gives me the biggest push she can muster and before I know it, I'm flying through the air towards the radiator. I hit it head first and blood gushes from the back of my head.

My dad's friend, Gary who is a fireman, pulls me up onto the table and inspects my head under the big light.

"She'll be fine Jack. We'll put this bandaid on her and in the morning she'll be good as new."

The next thing I remember is my mother yelling at my father. I was asleep and she has the light turned on and is pulling at the bandage on my head. I don't know why they are fighting, but they are.

I now know that she was angry because they should have taken me to the hospital for stitches. I still have the scar. I did survive. ;o)


We are sitting at the kitchen table eating dinner. Mom and dad are arguing as usual. All of a sudden my mom picks up the salt and pepper shakers and throws them at my dad's head. He quickly ducks out of the way and she misses. The yelling continues and she pulls me out of my highchair, puts on my coat and tells my dad that she is leaving and taking me with her. She tells my sister to get her coat, but she stands beside my dad and says no. She is not leaving. My mom takes me and I am now crying uncontrollably. I don't want to leave my sister and my dad. I don't know why she is taking me away. We go for a drive in the car she isn't saying anything. We go home after a little while.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Cyber Dating - Is there an etiquette?

Online dating is a precarious thing at the best of times and I'm not sure if anyone has ever figured out all the little kinks and anomolies associated with it. It is sort of unchartered territory if you consider that the whole internet experience is changing the way we socialize.

I've tried it before and in spite of hearing about those truly inspiring stories where people actually do meet their soulmate, I've been left with a few niggling questions that I do not have the answers to, such as:

a) How many contacts should you consider/date at once? If you have numerous people trying to make a connection to you, should you give everyone a little of your attention at the same time? This can become confusing, trying to keep everyone's Nic's and personal information straight. Should you be up front and tell the person that you are currently considering applications from x number of people for the position of lover/life partner/one night stand (whatever it happens to be that you are seeking)?

b) How long should you communicate online before moving to the next level - the in person meeting?

c) What is the proper course of action when the person you have been communicating with just stops corresponding and literally drops off the edge of cyber land prior to actually meeting, or worse, makes a date with you and stands you up? How do you stop yourself from becoming jaded about the whole process?

d) Should you engage in discussion of a sexual nature prior to the actual real life meeting or would you just be setting yourself or them up for disappointment?

e) If you do communicate online for a long time, prior to the in person meeting, how do you stop from making a fantasy in your mind about what the person really looks and acts like? Pictures are not always a guarantee of someone's physical attributes. They can either render a negative or postive likeness and you really never know before seeing the other person face to face. Besides a picture will never portray some otherwise irritating idiosyncrasies that person may possess. Also a person can appear more attractive in real life when you take into account all of their attributes, the way they talk, walk, confidence, smile etc.

f) Is that first real life meeting just that? A meeting or is it a date? If you did engage in sexual conversation through email/chat, are you going to feel pressured to jump from the cup of coffee into bed on the first date? Have you jumped ahead to a place that perhaps emotionally you aren't really prepared to be?

g) If you do enter into a physical relationship quickly with this person, how do you know that you aren't just another conquest from a long, long list of "have done's" and "yet to do's"? The whole online experience is providing sex in a variety of forms to those that want it, and quite easily. There are websites designed for sexual encounters exclusively and preferably for attached people, male or female such as ashley maddison. But I think that men must feel at times as if they have just walked into a sexual candy store by the sheer availability of women online that are willing to meet and shag, foregoing all previously followed mating rituals that people practiced prior to the internet, such as going on dates for a period of time and starting out slowly and sometimes not ever getting to home base. I'm surprised that prostitutes haven't converged on Parliament Hill to protest the internet. Their business surely has to be suffering. Why would a man pay a prostitute when he could go online, meet up with someone, buy her a coffee or get her to buy him one and then go screw?

h) Let's just say, you have met the person, you've figured out all the wrinkles above and you have progressed to the point of becoming "monogamous" with each other. Maybe even living together. Would you feel threatened when you see your partner online passing the time away? Would you think that perhaps they were initiating a relationship with someone new?

These are the reasons why I'm not convinced on the merits of online dating. Have you had any negative/positive experiences that you would like to share?