Sunday, July 01, 2012

Paradise Found!

Last week was disappointing as far as my weight loss is concerned.  I lost 1 pound the week before and then gained it back last week - so basically I've stayed the same for two weeks.

I sometimes wonder if I am subconsciously sabotaging myself.  This isn't a new concept to me. I've wondered this more than once in my life and I've thought about it in-depth but still do not have any answers for why I would do this.

A quote that I read recently seemed to resonate - I'm including it here.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of god that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Maryanne Williamson quotes

I know for a fact that when I get close to leaving one "tens group" and am approaching another, such as moving from the 80's into the 70's that I choke.  I start to worry that I won't make that goal and then things seem to crop up that slow down that achievement such as a night out with the girls or lunch out with my co-workers - you get the drift.

This shouldn't have an impact on how I do, it is part of life and I am trying to find balance.  I've been an all or nothing girl all my life and it has not worked out too well for me.   This journey is about learning how to do things in moderation, the way I believe people without weight issues live.

After I weighed in Friday morning and was disappointed, I made a bad choice at lunch.  I had taken my lunch to work but was asked by a co-worker if I would like something brought back from the Italian restaurant they were going to.  I am a huge fan of their Italian Rice Balls - something I had never had before last year after tasting my friends.  It's a deep fried ball of rice with gooey mozzarella in the middle and pasta sauce poured over top.  I had no idea how many points they were and did not bother to figure it out before I said, "sure, I'd love a rice ball"!