Man Hater?!?

Thank you for the interesting comments on last night's post. It is refreshing to see such honesty.

Jack thought that perhaps I was a man hater and because of that, I thought I would expand and try to explain where I am coming from. In all reality, I really do love men. There is nothing I enjoy more than the company of the opposite sex. Sorry girlfriends, you're great but you just don't have what the guys have.

I often poke fun at my own sex as well. My true feelings about yesterday's post is more disdain for the female than the male. It sickens me to see women using sex as a means for their own personal gain. Again, don't misconstrue this to mean that I don't enjoy being sexy or looking good. I do, but I have never been the type of woman to use that to get things, well not intentionally anyway.

This perspective probably ends up having a negative affect rather than a positive one. Where other women (ones that I know personally) see nothing wrong with accepting free drinks at a bar all night from a man they would not walk down the road with, let alone get into bed with; I will not accept the drink. In my mind by accepting, I am giving him the green light that perhaps later, he will get something else. If I'm not attracted to him, then I don't want to encourage further contact, so my philosophy has always been to pay my own way.

Even when I've been in a relationship, I've always been very generous with my partners because I view us as equals and have never understood why one person should feel obligated to pay for everything. Not just monetarily either. I do not lose my mind when I'm in a relationship. I still make my own decisions and know that I am responsible for myself. I may consider the other person, when I'm making those decisions, if I feel that the relationship is going to be around for awhile, but that is something that I think everyone does. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are women out there that are quite happy to suck the guy dry of everything they can when they enter into a relationship. These women make me embarrassed to be a woman.

I have always viewed my outlook as something that is positive, and have thought that if I was a guy, I would love to be involved with someone like me. Someone that can think, act and conduct herself independantly of him. A responsible, hard working person that is honest, outgoing, loves to laugh and have a good time but does not have unreasonable expectations that the other person is responsible for making her happy.

But in reality, my past relationships would speak a different tune. If you disected each relationship and analyzed the way the players treated me, it would not be positive. Rather than be respected, I would say I was taken for granted. My generosity in some instances, bordered on ridiculous, as I tried to deal with a male version of the female blood sucking variety. Of course, it was not as clear when I was in the relationship. I was blinded by love and couldn't see anything at all. It took time for me to be able to review that particular encounter and see it for what it was.

Then there was the perfect relationship. We had great times together. Never laughed as much before or since. Every time we were together, we seemed to meld as one and it was absolutely wonderful. I never thought that anything could come between us. I do believe he was my soul mate. But he allowed another women into his life and suddenly I was left out. Complete shock and total heartbreak. I know that there is still a bond between us. I've seen it in his eyes and felt it in his hugs and heard it in his voice when we've been in contact recently, but whatever we had was completely destroyed for a new piece of ass. I've asked him why, and he was never able to answer me. So perhaps, it was that male tendancy to act without thinking.

That relationship changed me forever. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust someone as much as I trusted him. I can't even think of any relationship as long term or monogamous anymore. I've lost a part of me.

Since then, I've entered into a casual relationship because I really do love men and I enjoy their company. But now, rather than expect something long term, I expect nothing. If casual guy calls, we get together and totally enjoy each other's company and then part. I never ask him when I'll see him again, I never ask what he does when I'm not with him and he never asks me.

My female friends don't understand. They think that I am weird. They wonder why I would enter into such an agreement. I guess they haven't given up and tried to accept men for what they are.

I have come to the following conclusions based on my own experiences:

1. You cannot control another person's actions, nor their feelings and it doesn't matter how well you treat them.

2. If they want to be with you, then they will.

3. If another woman, offers her body to your man, chances are he will take it, especially if he thinks he will get away with it.

4. You really can only depend on yourself and the minute you give that control to anybody else, the universe will bitch slap you silly.

5. The only thing that matters is that you remain true to yourself. That you can wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and be proud. If everyone else doesn't get it, then too bad.