I have a visual imagination. I'm sure we all do but since I cannot get into anybody's else's head I can't be sure. Whenever I close my eyes and think of past experiences it's like watching a small home movie. A series of trailer's is more like it. These small snapshots are in full colour, are three dimensional and offer sounds, plus smell. I can transport myself back to a place in time whenever I want by just closing my eyes and calling that scene forward.
The following are some memories between the ages 3 to 5:
At the age of three, September 1964, I remember the emotions that I felt as my sister got ready to go to Kindergarten for the first time. I was so upset at the thought of being separated from her. It didn't matter that she was a bully most of the time, I just couldn't comprehend how I was going to fill my days without her there. I also couldn't understand what "kindergarten" was. I thought it was a special kind of garden. It was also beyond my comprehension why I was not allowed to go with her and why my parent's allowed this. I soon adjusted to being home with my Dad for half a day alone and before I knew it, Debbie was home from school with stories of what they did in school. I couldn't wait until I could go.
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I am sitting in a booster seat which is placed beside my mother (the driver) in the middle of the front seat. I have fallen asleep and wake up. My mom is not in the car and I start to cry. My sister tells me it's ok that mommy is in the store. A few mintues later my mother comes out of the store, kerchief covering her rollers and she slides into the driver's seat. She places a cigarette in her mouth and lights it. Then before pulling away, she tells me to open my hand and places some chocolate covered raisins in it. I don't know what they are and am a little wary of the small brown pebbles. After some coaxing from my mom and listening to my sister's encouragement I ventured a taste and was immediately pleased that I did. I loved those chocolate raisins.
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It's Easter, mommy and daddy are still asleep and my sister and I have just gathered up a pile of chocolate treats. We have bunnies, duckies, roosters and eggs. It is a pile of chocolate. We are both overjoyed with the abundance of chocolate and can't wait until we meet up with our friends to tell them of our good fortune. Debbie decides that we should just show them off by placing them on the windowsill of our apartment. That way everyone will see what the Easter Bunny had left us. We very carefully arrange our chocolate treasures in a line along the marble sill and go back to our bedroom to play quietly until mommy and daddy wake up. I can't exactly remember how long we were playing before we decided to go check on our chocolate, but I do remember the shock when we turned one of the boxes and found that the chocolate had melted into a big blob at the bottom of the box. We both burst into tears which woke both parents and the whole Easter was ruined. Every treasure had melted. The sill was over a hot water radiator. The window was filled with sunshine that morning. The combination of heat from underneath and heat from the sun made quick work of the bunnies and duckies. The worst part was that our friends never saw them and didn't believe us that the Easter Bunny did actually come to our place.
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Happy Rock and Roll music is playing loudly. The sun is shining through the apartment window and spilling all over me. My mom is ironing clothes and singing along to the song. I'm wearing my cowboy outfit and riding my favourite spring horse. As I bounce happily, I imagine that I am really riding my very own horse through the fields looking for the bad guys. I love my horse. This is my favourite past time and I spend a lot of time on it.
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My mom is working and my dad and some of his friends are sitting at the kitchen table playing cards. It's nighttime and we should be in bed, but Dad said we could stay up a little longer as long as we were good. I run to get new bottles of beer at Dad's command and struggle with my sister over the empties, because I like to drain them on my way to the frige. After a little while, I ask my sister to spin me around in the orange, vinyl swivel chair. It's shaped like a circle and I love it when she spins me around and around and then I try to walk.
"Faster, faster!"
"I'm going as fast as I can."
"Wait, let me stand up, it will be more fun."
I stand up and then order my sister to spin me really, really hard. I want that orange chair to fly, because in my mind it was my flying saucer.
Debbie gives me the biggest push she can muster and before I know it, I'm flying through the air towards the radiator. I hit it head first and blood gushes from the back of my head.
My dad's friend, Gary who is a fireman, pulls me up onto the table and inspects my head under the big light.
"She'll be fine Jack. We'll put this bandaid on her and in the morning she'll be good as new."
The next thing I remember is my mother yelling at my father. I was asleep and she has the light turned on and is pulling at the bandage on my head. I don't know why they are fighting, but they are.
I now know that she was angry because they should have taken me to the hospital for stitches. I still have the scar. I did survive. ;o)
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We are sitting at the kitchen table eating dinner. Mom and dad are arguing as usual. All of a sudden my mom picks up the salt and pepper shakers and throws them at my dad's head. He quickly ducks out of the way and she misses. The yelling continues and she pulls me out of my highchair, puts on my coat and tells my dad that she is leaving and taking me with her. She tells my sister to get her coat, but she stands beside my dad and says no. She is not leaving. My mom takes me and I am now crying uncontrollably. I don't want to leave my sister and my dad. I don't know why she is taking me away. We go for a drive in the car she isn't saying anything. We go home after a little while.
4 comments:
Nice post! your memories are obviously very vivid from the detail you described. Smell is also a very good trigger for the brain to tune in to. They did an experiment with soldiers, half a squad were given a task based on their training , then the second half did an identical thing but were given the"smell" of their training rooms at the same time . The "smell" half performed the test much more efficiently!
Welcome Brom, yes smell is something that always brings back memories for me. It was one of those types of things that prompted the post last night. I was cooking pea soup the other afternoon and the smell reminded me of the first time I had pea soup. It was at my grandparent's. Another smell associated memory, is the smell of wet leaves in the autumn. I always remember going to with a friend to their cabin in the woods and going for walks in the cool autumn afternoon after it had rained the night before. The sent of wet leaves, bark and moss hung thick in the air.
Leggy - I think that some people may only remember the bad stuff, but other's tend to block out painful memories and only remember the good things. That's why a heartbreak can be so difficult. I find that I remember more good times than bad, so if I'm trying to get over someone, I tend to think about all those precious moments and not so much about the times that he was a bastard or the fact that he was unfaithful. It all depends on the person I guess.
Jack - music is a wonderful vehicle for stirring up memories, that's why, and again I'm going to refer to a heartbreak, but that's why when I am going through a heartbreak, I tend to shut the radio off or steer clear of certain cd's because it can be too painful. My last love relationship ended 3 years ago and I still have trouble listening to Melissa Etheridge's "Breakdown". It was our cd and many special memories were made listening to it.
Do you ever look back at posts or comments and look in awe at the spelling and gramatical errors? I do and I must apologize because most of those errors are made because I'm way too tired, or I've made typos. Makes me think my brain must be failing at times. :o)
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