Online Dating

I know this topic is becoming boring but I'm going to venture into a wee bit of a rant anyway, so bear with me.

Two weeks ago, I was surprised to receive contacts from two strangers from an internet dating site that still had my profile from about two years ago. I thought that I had removed it when I became disillusioned by the whole process. Enough time has passed since then, that I was curious to see if perhaps this experience would be different from the last.

The first contact is always exciting. Getting a indicator or "ice breaker" to say someone is interested and then the subsequent emails back and forth as we start to share snippets of our personal lives to see if there is interest to proceed.

My personal theory is that you can get to know someone as much as you want online, but that does not guarantee that there will be any chemistry when you finally meet face to face. For this reason, I prefer to make the "face to face" meeting as soon as possible. Long before the hugs and kisses are sent via email.

I don't think the majority of men would agree with me. It seems that they are anxious to know if you are sexually savvy or not before they invest in a cup of coffee. I've made up my mind on this matter though, after a previous experience where too much was divulged prior to that first meeting and the person that I fell in love with was a figment of my imagination, not the person that I was stumbling to try and converse with over dinner.

There is nothing like the real thing and to get the real thing, that means you have to get up from behind your monitor and venture out into the real world and tackle it. That could mean that you will have endless "first dates", and endure endless cups of coffee while you look for Mr. or Mrs. Right, but if you are serious, then it shouldn't matter how long it takes or how many dates you go on, because the alternative is; you sitting behind your monitor on a Friday or Saturday night alone.

So with this theory as my mandate, I respond to the emails showing genuine interest in learning about the other person by asking questions and sharing little bits of myself with every question I ask. I don't just ask a barrage of questions and then share nothing. I think it's fair that for the type of question I ask that I be willing to divulge the same to the other party.

It always starts out very promising. Interest in meeting face to face is always expressed early on and then the unthinkable happens. While I'm waiting to actually be asked for a date or for my phone number, the emails stop. Stop completely. No indication that the interest has diminished or that I said something wrong, just no further contact.

If you believe all the "relationship/dating" books out there, then you know that you have to let the man pursue you, otherwise, you will scare the skittish creatures to run quickly into the forest to escape a possible committment. With this in mind, I resist sending an email to find out if the other person is still alive or if perhaps even worse, I've inadvertently said something that turned/scared them off. It could be that I didn't say something to hold their interest; refusing to respond with similar romantic nonsense promising to be the one that they will cling to for all eternity after they've been smitten with my incredible personality and sexual prowess.

No, that would be too easy, to give all kinds of graphic emails explaining explicitly how I would perform wonderful feats never experienced before. I'm sure the request for a date would be forthcoming quickly, but then the expectation would be there to fulfill those promises. The reality is that once you are standing face to face, no matter how much chemistry you think you have online, there might not be one little shred of it when you actually see one another. So then what? Talk about an awkward moment. That is the kind of moment I would like to avoid.

So I prefer to take the riskier (no date), conserative approach. I tell you about me, you tell me about you, and if we are both intrigued then perhaps it will move to the next level; the in person meeting, where both parties can see if there is any chemistry. If you don't click then no harm has been done, but if you do, then by all means, proceed at your own pace.

I think I am being resonable and mature about the whole process. So what is the problem? Is it that the available males out there are too immature to realize the bullshit that is being shovelled their way? Or is it that all they are trolling for is another roll in the hay anyway?