Greedy

I’m feeling really greedy. Not just about one thing, but about several different things and I’m not sure how to stop it.

I was looking through the sales flyers that come in the Saturday newspaper and while they are supposed to give you ideas for Christmas presents to buy for others, I sat imagining how happy I would be if only I could afford that $1400.00 digital camera. I imagine myself walking through the city streets with my camera slung over my shoulder, taking snaps when my eye catches something unique or interesting.

In reality, I can’t justify spending that kind of money on a camera when I’m not a professional photographer. I know nothing about photography and would most likely take a few pictures in the beginning and then my camera would be given a chosen spot in a closet somewhere and be forgotten except for special events.

I put the flyer aside and pick up the next one. I really do need an MP3 player. It would be so convenient to have a little music box tucked in my pocket. My music wherever I go. It would be perfect on the bus and subway. Oh right, I don’t use public transit to go to work, I drive my car. I could use it at work. That wouldn’t work too good, you’re always on the phone or talking to people. What would they think if you had to yell for them to speak up because you had your music blasting into your ears?

I guess I don’t really need an MP3 player, but I really want one.

I put the flyers down and decided to read the paper instead. My greed was irritating me. Taunting me to find ways to buy things that I don’t really need, but I truly want. I never even considered any gift ideas.

The first section I picked up was the Shopping section and on the front page was an article devoted to mukluks. I LOVE mukluks. A fond memory of an old pair of boots from my early teens suddenly filled my head. The warmth of those furry legs. I didn’t care that it was fake fur because I imagined that it was real as I tromped through the snow on my way to school. They made me cool even though in reality, they made me warm.

I should get a pair this winter. My feet would enjoy the warmth and protection, but this time, I want a real fur pair. I know, it’s not politically correct, but I want an authentic pair of mukluks and the natives did not make mukluks out of fake fur. I imagine myself putting on my mukluks and going down to the underground garage to my car. Driving to work, and walking the 15 feet in the blustery, winter weather to the office door. After work, they can protect my feet once more in my trek of 15 feet back to my car.

I think back to last winter and the winter before, trying to remember what I wore. My sneakers. I didn’t even buy boots when I moved to the city, because in reality, I’m rarely outside. I guess I don’t need a pair of mukluks, but I sure would like a pair.

I decided to stop reading the newspaper and get out to enjoy the beautiful afternoon yesterday. My mother and I went for a lovely walk through the ravine and the cold autumn air seemed to clear my senses.

When I got home, I started to get ready for a dinner date. The second in as many nights. I was taken out for dinner on Saturday night and had an invite for a home cooked meal on Sunday night.

Is it greedy to go to both? Probably. No, I didn’t need to go out on two dates, but I sure wanted to. So I did.

I started to review the people in my life and the roles that they play. It would seem that right now, I have the luxury of having several friends without the complications of relationship.

There’s the guy in my building that I can play a game of pool with or enjoy a meal out. Then there’s Casual Guy, the one that I met over two years ago. I know that it’s going nowhere but I continue to see him occasionally because I really enjoy his company. My parking neighbour that made a point of telling me that he is now single and available. He’s organising a social club in our building and wanted to know if I would be interested. I have a movie partner that loves to see the newest films. Now there is the fellow that I bumped into from High School. He was Sat night guy and we had a great time reminiscing about old times. Sunday night was someone I met at the end of the summer and three days ago, I had a email from a fellow off an Internet dating site that still has my profile (which I thought I had removed over a year ago). He seems very interesting and we may meet up after we go through the initial "get to know you phase".

As I drove home thinking of all this I decided that yes I am greedy. There are people out there that would love to have one person in their life and will sit at home waiting for them to arrive, and then there is me. I would also love to have someone special in my life but if I did, what would I do with all my other friends? Would they have to disappear? Could I have them all? I probably don’t need more than one man in my life, but I want to.