New Chapter

2011 was a nightmare.  A living nightmare.  My dear mother was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer at the end of January and optimistically embarked on the radiation treatment band wagon.  We were certain that she was going to rally and continue on for a few more years.  She was such a fighter.

Unfortunately, for myself and my family, she either didn't get her treatment quick enough (it managed to move to her brain, which meant additional treatments in the fall) or we were in denial about how strong she was because she contracted pneumonia in October and was not able to beat it.

For most of the last 17 years, my mother, daughter and I have lived together so her absence in our lives is huge.  We were in a groove.  For some, in particular, my good friend A., our groove was perhaps more like a dysfunctional rut than a groove.  Regardless, we loved each other and we had a routine.

Now my daughter and I are learning to live without.  For everyone that has experienced the loss of a close relative, you know what I am talking about.  It's a new chapter in our lives and as with all books, the plot and story is a mystery.

To keep some continuity and make the transition for us easier, I have chosen to preserve my mother's obsession of feeding the birds and have taken on her role as the neighbourhood wildlife caretaker.  I'm astonished at how much time this task takes.  I didn't realize that keeping up with our acreage would mean that I would either have to change my alarm for an earlier wake up in the morning, or that I would turn into a habitually tardy employee.  I really don't like getting up early so, now I have a bit of an issue with my boss.  He doesn't like people who are not punctual.  We'll work it out - somehow, but in the meantime, the birds, squirrels, raccoon and possums are all very happy.  Best of all, I am overwhelmed with a warm sense of satisfaction and fulfillment every time I look out at our garden and see the birds and animals enjoying the same gourmet offerings and they have not had to suffer the pain from the loss of my mother as we have.