Persistant Suitor

I feel the need to recap my weekend and share it with my friends, both real and cyber. You may find this as curious as I do.

Remember the guy I met a few weeks ago at the bar? I had given him my cell phone number and he had called me the next day. During that conversation, I lied to him and said I had a boyfriend and apologised for not divulging that the night before in my inebriated state. I explained that I had no intention of meeting anyone that night, nor did I expect anyone to be asking for my phone number, so when he did, I was surprised and caught off guard. Rather than explain it to him that night, I had decided to give him my number and then if he called, which I really didn’t think he would, I would set him straight then and I did.

When we had talked the next day, he stated that he felt some connection to me and really didn’t want to let me disappear totally out of his life, although he respected my honesty and the fact that I was involved, he also noted that clearly my relationship must be a little rocky because I had been out the night before dancing with him. I had also allowed him to kiss me once. I was afraid that he was onto my fib, but he pretended to believe it.

He asked if perhaps we could go have a coffee at some point and just talk. I agreed that it would probably be OK to do that, as long as he didn’t expect anything and accepted that I was not available. I again, didn’t really think it would happen and I ended the conversation that I would call him.

For ten days or more I never heard a peep from him and I was beginning to feel less apprehensive about the whole experience. Then earlier last week he called. I was at work and heard my cell phone ringing in my purse. Not expecting it to be him, I answered without looking at the display. At first I didn’t recognise the voice and thought it was my friend Kurby. I’m so happy I didn’t call him by name, but decided on the safer route of continuing light banter until I figured out who it was. It didn’t take long for it to sink in, by the second sentence I was filled with dread as I realised who I was speaking with.

I reminded him I was at work, when he asked if I was busy. He sarcastically remarked that he knew that I was at work and then told me what time I start and finish. Just to let me know that he was paying attention during our conversations that first night we met. He explained that he had been to Florida and that is why I never heard from him. Then he continued to tell me that he has done nothing but think about me the whole time, and how much I had shook his world, just by my presence. There were other nice comments thrown at me and I must admit that I was flattered. I think everyone loves to hear how wonderful they are even if it’s coming from an unreliable source.

He never asked to see me during this conversation, but before he hung up he told me the purpose of the call was for me to know that I couldn’t get rid of him that quickly. That he was going to wait patiently for my boyfriend to screw up for good.

I hung up the phone and felt nervous about his determination, but then appeased myself with the knowledge that he could be just all talk. He will certainly grow tired of the game after awhile.

Two days passed and my phone rang again. I quickly looked at the display and thought it said Kurby. If I had realised it said Marty, I would not have picked up.

"Hey there!" I hadn’t spoken to Kurby in awhile so I was smiling when I answered.

"Well hello! How in the hell are you?"

"I’m just great!" At this point, I still thought I was talking to Kurby.

Then he started to laugh, and I realized it was Marty. "So things are going great are they? "

"Yes they are just perfect, thanks for asking."

"OK, then asshole, guess I’ll let you go and I’ll call you back when things aren’t so great."

"All right bye bye."

His last comment seemed strange until it became clear that "things" was in reference to my boyfriend and not my life in general.

I hung up quickly and I started to think about how I was not going to answer the phone to him anymore. I know, you are probably wondering why I didn’t tell him to stop calling me and be nasty with him. I’m not sure why, except that I am typically not a nasty person and being that way is difficult for me even if I don’t owe the person anything. The other issue is that he does intimidate me by his less than savoury background and current affiliations. I didn’t want to piss him off. I preferred to remain pleasant enough, but hoped that he would tire of the whole thing and start focusing his attention on someone else who would be more deserving.

The next evening at work, my phone rang once again, and I looked at the display noticed it was him but I answered it anyway. The conversation started out with usual greetings and then he started to tell me how he couldn’t stop thinking about me, and even though I had a boyfriend he wanted me to know that he had just come into a pile of money and would like nothing more than to spend it on someone like me. He asked what I was doing on the weekend and I told him I was taking my daughter shopping. He asked if he could come and when I said no, he informed me that he had a pile of credit cards and would love to buy me some clothes.

I declined the offer. Next he asked if I would go to Mexico with him for a month. I said no. The offer was reduced to two weeks. My answer was no.

"What about going to Las Vegas for a three day weekend? You can tell your boyfriend you are going to a seminar."

"No."

"Look, I’m going to be straight with you, I really, really felt something that night on the dance floor and I’m sitting here thinking to myself, that I only have a good ten years left to live and there is nothing I would like more than to spend it with someone that cares. So jump on board baby and forget the job. I’ve got more than enough money to take care of you. I’m thinking maybe I should be going out and buying a ring or something."

"No, you shouldn’t be going to get a ring. I’m not quitting my job. I have a good 25 years to work and I’m not about to give up my job for anybody."

"I need to see you. Can we just meet for a drink on Sunday? That can’t hurt can it?"

At this point, I felt too confined by being at work and unable to talk openly to him because of the lack of privacy and it seemed like a good idea. I would meet him for a drink and tell him to lose my number, stop calling me and get over it.

"Sure, I’ll meet you on Sunday. What time and where?"

"Let’s meet at XXXXX on the Queensway at 3:30pm. Do you know where it is?"

"Yes, I know where it is, 3:30pm Sunday at XXXXX."

"Right, now you better show up!"

"I’ll be there and if for some reason I can’t make it, I’ll call you in the morning and let you know, but I’ll be there."

"Ok, I’m trusting you to show up Shelly, I really need to see you."

"I’m going to be there."

"Alright babe, see ya later."

I hung up and felt somewhat relieved because I knew that it would be rectified on Sunday. I would be able to explain diplomatically that I was not interested in pursuing a relationship with him and that he needed to move on.

Saturday while my daughter and I were shopping, he called. I didn’t answer because I had left my phone in the trunk while we were traipsing in and out of stores. I could see he had called, but he never left a message. I decided whatever it was it could wait until tomorrow.

Sunday, I made up an excuse for going out. Not that I have to explain my every movement but as a matter of course, my mother usually wants to know where I’m going and who with. I didn’t explain to her that I had met a person who was starting to resemble a stalker. No need to worry her, besides, once I met and spoke to him, he would be out of my life.

I arrive at the designated meeting place, a bar, and walked inside. I was 15 minutes late. I am typically late for everything. He was nowhere to be seen. I chose a seat at the bar, close to the door and ordered a beer. At 4:00 pm, he still had not shown and I was beginning to think that he had been there and left, or he was waiting somewhere else. I debated on just leaving and going home, but I really wanted to talk to him and make him understand that I was not about to jump into a serious relationship with him in the near or distant future. I opted to call his number. On the third ring, he answered and I skipped the greetings and immediately jumped to "Where are you?"

"Ohhh, you’re good. You call me at home and you ask me where I am. That’s funny."

"Ok, let me rephrase that for you. Where should you be?"

"Oh, did you go to the wrong room at YYYYY?"

"You didn’t say we were meeting at YYYYY, you said to meet you at XXXXX."

"I did?"

"Yes you did, and you know it. You even told me the name of the band that was playing today, remember?"

"Right! Are you there right now?"

"Yes I am. I’m sitting at the bar drinking a beer."

"I’ll be there in twenty minutes babe. See you soon."

The band started to play at 5:00 and they are one of my favourite blues bands. An older couple had entered the now packed bar about 20 minutes before and had sat next to me. They were very entertaining and for a little while, I had forgotten that I was being stood up by an asshole that I didn’t even want to date. Finally at 5:25pm, I said goodbye to the older couple and excused myself. I decided that I had most definitely been stood up and I did not want to risk him showing up two hours later and me still being there.

I now had the perfect out. I no longer felt the need to be nice. He had done the ultimate transgression of dating and I immediately changed his name in my cell phone to "Do Not Answer".

But what I really don't understand is what happened to change things? It went from this guy wanting to buy me a ring one day, to not showing up for the meeting he just HAD to have, two days later?