Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Wake up Lil’ Suzy, Wake Up!

“Just hold still while I finish plugging in your wires.”

I stared down at my green moccasins with the rabbit fur trim and wondered if the technician noticed how the colour seemed to clash with my flashy, new, pink pyjamas with the psychedelic design. My cheeks started to turn red thinking of how ridiculous I must look.

It was good that he could not see my embarrassment. He may have sensed it, but our eyes could not physically meet at this moment because he was behind me, which gave me the opportunity to pretend that I was not embarrassed and he could pretend that he did not know I was embarrassed. If our eyes had met, we would both know that I was embarrassed, then there would be no use in pretending, and he might get embarrassed because I was embarrassed. Hence, it would have been more embarrassing then it was.

Therefore, I pretended not to mind sitting in a chair with my clashing outfit and a complete stranger poking a stick through my long, thick hair, rubbing my scalp with a moistened tissue, smacking a glob of goop on that spot and then squishing an end of the electrode into the substance.

There were thirteen wires applied to my head, face, shoulders, legs and arms in this fashion. Next, he gathered up the other ends and connected them to a tiny black box that I held in my left hand for him.

“There all done. Are you ready to go to bed?”

I glanced at my wristwatch and said, “No. I think I’ll read for a little while yet.”

“Alright, but be careful. Don’t move around too much or you’ll become unplugged; I have you on a short leash. Oh yeah, one more thing, don’t fall asleep.”

I attempted to slide into bed as gracefully and carefully as I possibly could. However, when I sensed that I was about to fall on the floor with the wires exploding all over the place, I quickly flopped down on my back landing on an angle. I grabbed my magazine and attempted to look nonchalant as though I was quite comfortable.

If I was lucky, I would get tired quickly so that when it was time for lights out, I would fall asleep immediately and then this whole nightmare would be over. The words I was reading from the article were soon interspersed with my thoughts about how stupid I must look until I finally gave up. Nothing was sinking in and I was getting tired of reading the same lines repeatedly.

I could hear a small tapping of the computer keyboard on the other side of the wall behind my bed, so I knew he was near.

“Hello. I’m ready to go to sleep.”

“Ok. I’m going to connect the box to the computer and I will ask you to do some movements so that I can make sure it is connected properly. It shouldn’t take too long.”

I kicked off my green slippers and he covered me with the thin, slippery bedspread. The room was pleasantly cool. I like to sleep in a cold room and without any windows to open; it may have been a problem. I closed my eyes against the glaring fluorescent lights while I waited for the technician to complete the programming. I had already listened to him do it for the other two patients (both male) so I was ready for the instructions.

“Close your eyes and while keeping them closed, look to the left, now to the right, back to the left. Good. You can open your eyes. Now breathe through your nose. Hold your breath. Continue holding, now breathe through your nose again. Move your left leg from side to side, now move your right leg. Good. We are all done. Have a good sleep.”

He turned out the light and pulled the door shut. It was very dark and I was relieved. I wondered how long it would take me to drift off to sleep. I worried about unplugging the electrodes with my movement. Normally I toss and turn all night long. I tried to imagine how short the leash actually was and estimate if it was possibly long enough to allow me to roll all the way over onto my left side and then shift onto my stomach if I so desired (which I usually do). I decided it was probably too short and I should attempt to stay in the same position for as long as possible.

At home, I can be in a deep sleep within moments of hitting the pillow. I am certain that I never slept an hour during the whole night of the sleep study and I am wondering how much they learned studying my sleep when I never slept. I am most certain that I never snored during this restless night and that was the reason for being there in the first place.

I can hardly wait for my follow up appointment on the 23rd to find out.

2 comments:

Mike Da Hat said...

I usually find a couple of rum nighhtcaps with my friend Ian, in his garage, usually does the trick to get me to sleep. Oh that and the multitude of pints we've had at the pub beforehand.

Suzy Snow said...

Good idea Mike! I'm off to the liquor store and I'll let you know how it works for me. What do you suggest I drink so that my boss won't smell the booze in the morning? Do you think what they say about Vodka is true, that it doesn't smell? ;o)