Last week was disappointing as far as my weight loss is concerned. I lost 1 pound the week before and then gained it back last week - so basically I've stayed the same for two weeks.
I sometimes wonder if I am subconsciously sabotaging myself. This isn't a new concept to me. I've wondered this more than once in my life and I've thought about it in-depth but still do not have any answers for why I would do this.
A quote that I read recently seemed to resonate - I'm including it here.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of god that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Maryanne Williamson quotes
I know for a fact that when I get close to leaving one "tens group" and am approaching another, such as moving from the 80's into the 70's that I choke. I start to worry that I won't make that goal and then things seem to crop up that slow down that achievement such as a night out with the girls or lunch out with my co-workers - you get the drift.
This shouldn't have an impact on how I do, it is part of life and I am trying to find balance. I've been an all or nothing girl all my life and it has not worked out too well for me. This journey is about learning how to do things in moderation, the way I believe people without weight issues live.
After I weighed in Friday morning and was disappointed, I made a bad choice at lunch. I had taken my lunch to work but was asked by a co-worker if I would like something brought back from the Italian restaurant they were going to. I am a huge fan of their Italian Rice Balls - something I had never had before last year after tasting my friends. It's a deep fried ball of rice with gooey mozzarella in the middle and pasta sauce poured over top. I had no idea how many points they were and did not bother to figure it out before I said, "sure, I'd love a rice ball"!
I ate it and was surprised that I was satisfied. I didn't feel like eating the nutritious salad and grilled chicken breast that I had brought with me, but I managed to consume that before I left for the day as well as my two yogourts, a 100 calorie bag of smart pop and a bag of grapes.
That should have been plenty of fuel to run this machine for the rest of the day but since I am a creature of habit, I had to have supper. It was Friday night, a traditional "take-out" night so my daughter and I ordered pizza. I was pretty good, I only had two pieces and I was very satisfied.
I didn't bother tracking that day - not that I wasn't going to do it, I just never took the time so I figured it out yesterday and was astonished to find that those little rice balls carry a whopping 19 points. So in Weight Watchers terms, depending on your daily points available, this could be almost all of your points. It's a good thing that they give you a weekly points option so that you can dine out or engage in special occasions, but holy smokes, I've consumed half of my weekly points already and I'm only in 2 days of the new week.
Friday night I went to bed thinking about what I was doing and why I might be derailing myself and woke up with a resolve to get more activity this coming week and I'll see if that helps. If it is too hot after work, then I'll try to go out after the sun goes down or force myself to get up earlier and go in the morning.
I didn't waste any time fitting in the activity. After driving my daughter to work at 8:00 am, I took out Lucy and rode her all the way down to the waterfront park and back. It was approx 9.7 miles according to google maps and should have only taken me an hour, but it took me 1 hour and 45 mins.
My butt wouldn't let me do the trip all at once. It was necessary to stop at the park and enjoy the scenery. I was lucky enough to have an older gentleman ask if he could share my bench. He had a book with him but I talked his ear off for an hour so he didn't get a chance to read anything. It was a pleasant conversation, I learned about his life and he learned about mine, but we never exchanged names.
The only thing that kept me pedalling on the way home was the thought of jumping into the pool to cool off. It just opened this weekend and I was pretty sure that it opened at 11:00 as long as the schedule hadn't changed from last year.
I didn't bother to check, I came in the front door, stripped out of my sweaty clothes and put my bathing suit on. I was in luck. The pool was open and I was the only person in there. I swam and floated around for 45 mins. I swear I almost fell asleep floating, it was sublime. It is one of my favourite feelings - weightless in water, sun warm on your exposed skin and listening to the sound of birds and leaves rustling in the wind. This is what paradise is to me.
Weight Watchers rewarded me for my physical assertion with 17 activity points. I've almost made up for the extras I've eaten. That is going to be my first plan of action this week to eradicate all the extras I've consumed with exercise and then I'll see if the scale shows progress.
It was a most perfect Saturday of the Canada Day long weekend!