Happy Mother's Day to all the mother's out there. I hope you have a beautiful day and that your children express their gratitude for all the sacrifices you have made. My day has been exceptional so far and I am very lucky to have such a beautiful, caring daughter. She gave me a heart-tugging card, a bouquet of flowers and prepared a three course brunch. Blueberry scones, yogurt and fruit parfait, followed by a Martha Stewart dish of eggs and bacon baked in a muffin tin lined with bread and pan fried potatoes.
This is our first Mother's day without my mom who passed away on November 28th, 2011 and my daughter went above and beyond to make it special for me and as a tribute to her grandmother.
My mother was such a big part of our lives that it is very difficult to get over the void she has left with her departure, but each day we get a little bit stronger and I know she is with us. I can't help but smile as I clean the bird bath and feed the birds about how much joy she got from having these things in our small backyard and I know she is very happy to know that I am carrying on her chores so that the feathered friends do not notice that she has departed.
I used to take great pleasure in teasing her about her obsession with feeding all the wildlife but I can't fathom not continuing in her absence. In the days following her death, I wrote a eulogy in her honour and read this at her funeral. I thought it would be fitting to share it with you today on Mother's Day.
3 December 2011
Eulogy for Mom
My mother recently ruminated about how she felt as though
she had lived several lifetimes in the span of one. She felt this way after sharing memories from
her past with me.
That was an enjoyable afternoon. It confirmed something that I have always
known, something that my mother, herself, often forgot, and that is, that she
was a very strong woman.
Some of the events or circumstances that built her
strength were:
·
Survived a difficult childhood
·
Married a disabled man
·
was a woman “bread-winner” during a time when
women stayed home to raise their children
·
Decided to move her family, to Collingwood in
1967 to provide a better life, even though this meant moving away from her own
family and friends
·
She was one of the first women hired by Goodyear
Rubber in 1967 Collingwood; she worked alongside the men on the line, earning
less than they did and without benefits
·
Worked two and three jobs at a time to provide
for the family of four
·
searched and obtained affordable shelter when
rent increases dictated another move – hence performing 10 moves by the time I
was 16
·
She kept money problems to herself – we did not
know how difficult times were for our parents.
We knew that we did not have the things that other children had and
wondered why she always had to work but were oblivious to the stress she was
under
·
Told a prospective employer that she was a
bookkeeper and then studied accounting at night so that she could be proficient
at her new job
·
She never bad mouthed my father when their
relationship ended and remained amicable
·
Returned to school in her late 40’s or early
50’s to obtain her real estate licence and succeeded
·
Worked as a superintendant of a large apartment
building in Oshawa which was a very physical job (mid 50’s)
·
continued on a trip by herself from Calgary to
British Columbia when Melissa and I had to return home
·
Learned how to drive a school bus in her late
50’s and drove a rural route during hard winters in the Collingwood area
·
Went to work in the cafeteria at Goodyear just
prior to turning 60
·
Lived with the pain of arthritis for years
without being able to take anti-inflammatory drugs due to allergies
·
And in the end survived for more than two weeks
without food or water, after making the decision that the cancer was stronger
than her and requesting that treatment stop
These life events built her strength, but they also made
her wise, gave her a wonderful sense of humour, and gave her compassion.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention at this point that
my mother’s life was not all challenges and struggles. She was fortunate to meet a wonderful man at
my uncles wedding, Stewart Linton. Stew
and my mother married a couple of years after meeting and he provided a life
for my mother that previously she only dreamed about. Together they bought houses, new cars and
travelled. They spent a wonderful 20
years together before they grew apart, as many people do, but they never
stopped caring for one another. Stew
ensured that my mother would never have to return to the worries or struggles
that she lived through in the beginning of her life and for that, she was
thankful, we are all thankful.
My mother loved animals.
We sometimes joked that the animals were more important to her than
anyone else was and in some ways, they were because in her eyes they were
helpless and needed her care. My
boyfriend’s son came up with the perfect nickname for my mother – “Mother
Nature”. It describes her to a T. All animals in the Pinedale vicinity were
well fed on my mom’s watch. If a cat
walked up to the door and meowed, she would be right out there with a bowl of
water or food. Moreover, she treated
them all equally; the birds, squirrels, raccoons, possums, and skunks – she
made sure there was enough food and water for all.
However, her caring personality was not restricted to
animals alone, she became pseudo mothers to all my friends, my sister’s
friends, my stepbrothers, my cousin and his friends, my daughter and her
friends, my nephews and their friends and the people in our neighborhood. She was never too busy to lend an ear and
give you her opinion – but the opinion would be exactly what she wanted to say
which was not always, what you wanted to hear.
She didn’t mince words. She was
brutally honest but not malicious and she spoke from her heart, which most
people respected.
She could laugh at herself, which was one of my favourite
qualities about her, and I took pleasure in teasing her and making her
laugh. One funny memory I have was when
my sister and I were teenagers, helping my mother shop for new clothes because
she was starting a new job in an office.
We were upstairs of Geraldine’s, a woman’s clothing store
in Collingwood. The upstairs was a loft
overlooking the store. There was a
change room located near the racks of clothes.
My sister and I both had our backs to the change rooms. I’m not sure how long she was standing in the
middle of the room wearing only her bra and underwear before we noticed her. I told mom to get back in the change room
before someone saw her. Her response
was, “Who’s going to see me, this is a ladies clothing store – I don’t care if
a woman comes up here!” I must mention
here that her underwear had seen better days.
She was notorious for wearing her underclothes out before replacing because
she thought there were uses that were more important for her money. I turned to look towards the stairs when I
heard footsteps approaching, my mother continued looking at the clothes, not
worried. I’ll never forget the look of
shock on the man’s face as his eyes took in the sight of my mother, ripped
panties, scraggly bra, holding up a dress trying to decide if she liked it or
not. He exclaimed “Oh my” and scurried
back downstairs. We were unable to
contain our laughter. We were
practically rolling around on the floor trying not to wet our pants just
thinking about the look of shock on his face and remembering how adamant my
mother was just moments before that it was a ladies store and she didn’t
care. Debbie and I had to get outside in
order to stop laughing and because we were so embarrassed. My mother refused to show embarrassment and
continued to do what she had come out to accomplish and that was to buy a new
dress.
All I can say is thank you. Thank you for being a kind, compassionate,
caring, strong woman. Thank you for
giving yourself to those who knew you and thank you for being the special
person you were. You were loved more
than you knew and we will truly miss you.
